


Ben Solo x Reader - What you mean to me

by Captainphasmaenthusiast



Series: Star Wars x Reader [12]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Lives, F/M, Gen, Jealousy, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, M/M, Minor Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Minor Kylo Ren/Rey, Protective Kylo Ren, Rose and Ben are besties, brace yourself before you wreck yourself, oh boi, this is long one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:00:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24809689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captainphasmaenthusiast/pseuds/Captainphasmaenthusiast
Summary: Request:  I have a Ben request.. so Ben returns to the light and comes back to the base w Rey and sees the reader and has a super fluffy moment because they were/are still lovers and yeah it’s all cute but the reader thinks Ben lost feelings for her because he is hanging out w Rey(training if you want) and she gets heartbroken because she waited so long to see him again and ya know angst but then at the end it is fluffy and happy ! please redeem the ending 😂A/N: So, this was quite a challenge to write, since it is such a large request (nothing wrong with that!), but I’m quite happy with the outcome. I turned Rey into some sort of matchmaker/negotiator, I hope that’s okay. I’m really sorry for putting it off for so long, but I had a lot of work to do and I’m trying to catch up on the requests as much as I can. Thank you for sending something in and I hope that you have a wonderful day.Pairing: Ben Solo x ReaderSummary: Ben returns to the base with Rey and reunites with the reader but his extensive training with Rey creates a tension between him and the reader.Warnings: Swear Words, kinda angsty, bitching aroundWord count: 2.9K (ohhh boi, that was a long one)
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Finn/Rey (Star Wars)
Series: Star Wars x Reader [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750501
Kudos: 12





	Ben Solo x Reader - What you mean to me

Rey's ship landed on the soil of the base in front of a huge crowd of Rebels, all celebrating the enormous victory of the Rebellion. You stood next to Rose and Chewbacca, not able to believe what was going on right now. Still being lost in thought, Chewie wrapped his fuzzy hands around you and Rose, lifting you in the air with a content roar. Rose let out a giddy laugh and just enjoyed the moment.

"Would you believe that?" Poe's voice rang up from behind you. "Whose lost mongrel did you pick up?"

This made your head turn to look at who Rey would've brought with her and as you did your eyes grew wide. It was Ben Solo, the Ben Solo you knew since childhood. He was your best friend and partner before he went to train with his uncle to become a Jedi and later joined the First Order to become Kylo Ren. Your heart broke over this fact so many times before but you learned to live with it. You had to.

Seeing him stand there, without his black costume and the hideous mask made your heart flutter. Could it be that you had a chance to get him back? Did he still think of you as a friend or even as a lover? Or were you just another thing from his past that he chose to kill inside his mind? You heard him chuckle at something Rey said, who was guiding him closer to the group you were standing next to. His laughter sounded so natural without the voice modulator of his mask. It was a sound that you never even thought of hearing again.

Your eyes followed him, almost as if you were afraid to lose him, once he got out of your sight. But as you tried to look away his gaze locked with yours. His expression went from content to astonish and then ecstasy. With a small gesture to Rey, he parted from his previous group and came closer to you, beaming with joy. Even though he was looking highly pleased with the situation, you could still see that there was some guilt in his expression. He felt regretful for just leaving you like you never even mattered to him, which you knew that you did. And he felt guilty for becoming the monster you had the pleasure of never meeting in the first person.

Despite all these thoughts he still moved toward you, not knowing what to say or do, but still determined to finally see you again.

"Where's your mask? I thought you needed it to hide away from your moronic behavior?." Damn. You didn't mean to go off on him like that but all your bottled up emotions made it hard to have a normal conversation without being only mere inches from knocking him in the jaw.

He sighed heavily, aware of the fact that he had hurt you.

"Y/N, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm not here to defend what I did but I'm here to apologize. Leaving you here alone and not even trying to contact you was just shallow of me. You don't have to accept this apology but if you want to know I never stopped having a soft spot for you. I understand how much you probably despise me now and if you ask for it I will leave you alone."

At this moment the facade of the strong force use crumbled and the young boy whose long black hair you would braid while laughing together came back to the surface. The man standing in front of you was just a little more damaged. A scar lingered on the side of his face, his hair was disheveled and seemed to be splattered with dried blood - could be his or someone else's -, his eyes still had a certain spark in it, which you knew all too well and he wasn't wearing any sort of uniform or suit, just a plain black sweater with a pair of loose pants. He appeared to have changed so much, yet so little.

The sound of your name being called out again made you look back up into his eyes, which were now saturated with concern. You pinched the bridge of your nose, still trying to adjust to the situation you just somehow ended up in.

"Ben," your voice was rough, almost as if your throat had already forgotten that name and now had to get used to saying it again, "as much as I want to throw you off the nearest cliff right now, I could never resent you. I missed you, you dickhead!"

He shuffled closer to you, embracing you in a tight hug. Your arms found their way around his neck, while his were wrapped around your waist firmly. Tears started wetting the fabric of the back of your shirt and you began to soothingly stroke through the ends of his hair.

"I missed you too, you wouldn't even believe it." His voice was barely above a whisper, as he buried his head in the nape of your nape.

The following days consisted of you trying to get him to integrate back into the Rebellion, which was a hard task by itself but you were lucky to have some help. Strangely Rose and Poe were the first few to start taking a certain liking in him. They helped him to catch up, gave him some tasks, and were surprisingly sweet to him. Finn struggled to befriend him but he slowly warmed up to the idea of getting to know Ben Solo and burning away the gruesome figure of Kylo Ren.

He was doing his best too, but you could tell that the betrayal of his uncle and his time in the First Order, with the constant abuse of Snoke, took a toll on him. Night terrors would cause him to thrash awake at night and you had to wake up trying to console him. Some days you had to almost force food down his throat because he didn't want to eat. But somehow you would manage to get him back on track, even if that would take some time.

Rey's presence should've been some sort of relief too. After all, she had to carry the weight of the powers similar to his on her back. Which led to them training together since they concluded that both of them could learn from each other. At first, they were spending around one to two hours training in the woods next to the base, but as time moved forward two hours turned into three, three into four, and four turned into five. When he came back in the evening he was exhausted, but still told you what Rey tried to teach him today or what he taught her. She seemed to be his number one topic but you didn't tell him that it made you feel useless.

It's not like you didn't like her, she was kind, witty, and incredibly beautiful. Maybe this was a reason why you felt that way about them spending so much time together? You couldn't shake away the feeling off, that he fell out of love with you and you couldn't blame him. Not seeing each other strained the relationship you had before his departure immensely and you knew that nothing would ever be as it was when you were young. Even though you didn't think that his interest in you would deteriorate that quickly. He didn't even seem to notice that you were hurting, he just kept on talking about her.

Seeing him genuinely laugh when she said something, sitting next to her to talk about training and especially seeing them come back from their training, so happy together, while the time that you got to spend with him was getting shorter and shorter. You knew that they had a certain connection, because of the force, yet you always thought that he could be yours again and not just being a stranger in your own house.

Even though Ben was still oblivious to the fact that you were hurting, Rey sensed that something was wrong.

This evening was like many others, Ben, Rey, you and some other members of the Resistance that were coming and leaving every other minute, sat at the edge of the woods around a small fire, just spending some well-deserved unwinding time together. Again, he was rather inclined on talking about himself and the newest revelation of today's training. After a while you excused yourself, claiming that a headache was creeping up on you, weaseling back to your sleeping quarters.

"Aren't you gonna join her?" The brunette asked, determined to get some answers out of the young Solo.

"Nah, I don't want to upset her, if she's got a headache I should leave her be." He said, taking a sip from the bottle he was holding.

"Man, you're that gullible, aren't you? Haven't you noticed that she's been acting strange lately?" she interjected, sitting up a little bit straighter.

"I mean, yeah, kinda. But it's a lot to handle being such an important member of the Resistance. My mother put a lot of trust in her, so it's no big surprise that she's stressed a lot."

"Ben, I think she's a little jealous."

"Jealous? Of who? She has no reason to be jealous. Y/N knows that I love her." His tone sounded quite offended by Rey's accusations.

"Does she though? You barely spend time with her, how should she be sure of that? You've been gone for such a long time, it's a miracle that she's still even head over heels in love with you. You can't just expect her to be there for you if you can't even ask her how her day was."

"The training has been occupying me a lot, how do you expect me to act after a long training session?" He tried to defend himself.

"Not like an asshole would be nice. I'm training just as much as you do and I still manage to ask Finn how he's feeling. If you actually care about her so much, you should show her that you do and not just assume that she knows it without you saying anything." She stood up, gathering her stuff and turning to leave, "Good night Ben. Think about what I said and don't be a dick."

With that, she went off to go to her own quarters, leaving him sitting alone next to the dying fire. Ben sighed softly. It's not like he didn't care about your feelings, he was just so overwhelmed by this situation and didn't have a clue on how to show you that he could never lose interest in you.

He found you in your quarters, already fast asleep, your back turned to his side. You were really were avoiding him. Not wanting to wake you up, he slid into his side of the bed and simply laid there staring at the ceiling, as if answers would appear there. Even hugging you seemed fake at this moment, so he just stole some glances of your sleeping figure. Rey's words were echoing around in his head.

The bed was empty, as he stirred awake from his slumber. A hand moved to the side where you would normally be, just to meet the cold silk sheets. You had already gone to start working, probably meeting up with the two generals to discuss some new map planings or what else would seem important right now.

Today wasn't going to be a day that he would spend with training. He would try to surprise you with something lovely, to assure you that you were the most important thing that he had left. Getting up to his feet, to give Rey the notice that she would have to train alone today, which she did enjoy too, since having some time for herself was a rarity.

Even though cooking wasn't his strongest suit, Ben didn't waste time to prepare something that you would like. Before he did even have time to change into something else than his lounge clothes, the door clicked and you walked in, visibly tired.

The smell of warm food caught your attention and the sight of a fully set table confused you even more. Your senses were on high alert, as you heard footsteps coming from the petite kitchenette to the dinner table and you relaxed as you saw Ben leaning on the door frame. He greeted you with a warm smile, his back her tied up in a small bun.

"Hey my love, how was your day?" He mused, walking closer to hug you gently.

A quick glance at the clock assured you that it definitively wasn't time for him to be home yet, so you eyed him with a suspicious look, not really easing into his embrace, as you normally would.

"Why are you here already? Don't you have something better to do than spending time with me? What about your training?" The bitterness in your voice made him flinch a little, remembering how many times he came back in the late evening and just discarded the food you had prepared, not really caring what you prepared.

"We didn't train today, I thought I could spend the evening with you since we didn't get to do that in quite a while. Come on, let's sit down." He wanted to take your hand but you pulled away, feeling like he had done something that he's trying to apologize for.

"Oh, so you wouldn't rather spend the evening with Rey? She seems to be a better company than I am. And you made dinner? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything but that is kind of fishy. Is there something you need to tell me, Ben?"

"Y/N, do you feel like I'm spending too much time with Rey? Please be honest, I'm just trying to make ends meet and I don't want to hurt you in any way. Trust me."

He knew better than trying to defend himself or deny your complaints, so he just had to wait until you started talking, still glaring at him with a hurt and tired expression.

"No, well a little. You never pay any attention to me and when you do everything is about her. I would love it if you'd ask me how I'm feeling or what I've been doing today but no! Since you came back home - to me - I tried so hard to slowly patch up our relationship and the only thing you do is taking everything for granted and barely paying any attention to me. Please just tell me if you got bored of me, then I'll leave. But I don't want to be strung along like some sort of puppet. I hate feeling expendable and if I am expendable to you just say it." You stopped talking after you realized that you had raised your voice gradually while you were talking, making him look like a lost pup, waiting to be protected by its owner.

"I wasn't aware that you felt like this and I'm so sorry. You could never be expendable to me, how could you think that. Rey has no chance against you and she will never be able to compete with you." He swallowed thickly, as he saw you walking past him, clearly upset. His hand reached out to grab your wrist and pull you back gently, causing you to groan in frustration.

"You know, I really tried not to let it faze me, but this isn't it. I'm sick of you apologizing! It's always the same with you. You apologize, it works out for a few days and then everything falls back into the garbage chute."

"Please tell me what I have to do to make you happy. I'll promise you that I'll try to change." Ben pulling closer so that you had to look him in the eyes.

"I don't want you to change, I want you to care. Stop apologizing and just-"

You were cut off by him pulling you in for a soft kiss, which was long overdue. You eased in his touch, feeling putty in his hands. The things that man did to you were a mystery. The kiss was longing and after he pulled away he rested his forehead against yours, staying there for a few more seconds.

"Well, that's a start." You chuckled, still a little uneasy but feeling secure in his arms. He rested his chin on top of your head, not wanting to let you go, now that your temper has eased a bit.

"Why don't we sit down and eat? Let's talk about it over a warm meal."

"No, let's just sit down and enjoy the evening as normal couples do, I don't want to sour the mood any further." You whispered against his chest, not being in the mood to start anything else.

"Of course, my dear. I love it when we pretend to be a normal couple." Both of you let out a soft love and sat down right next to each other, enjoying the rest of the evening, being able to show what you meant to each other. And later taking the dessert to the bedroom.


End file.
